Grief

I’ve spent the last 2 days writing in a cathartic manner, trying to
purge my feelings onto paper. Trying in a manner of sorts to actually discern
what I am feeling.  I am not going to
share that outpouring here; in fact I’m not even sure I should be sharing this
here at all. I mostly stay in my little corner of the internet, sharing lovely and beautiful things that cross my path hoping that the occasional person might like what I
do and have a read.


I am grieving and there is no sunny spin on that. It’s not picture
perfect, it’s messy and unhinged. My grief will run its course, it will come in
stages and I’ve been through this before. It’s just that she was my Mum and she
was taken so quickly by cancer that it’s hard to process. T
here
is nothing that can prepare you to lose a parent and now that they are both
gone I’ve become unmoored.  I am
rollercoaster-ing through the what if’s, if only’s, the pleading, bargaining,
guilt and anger. Acceptance seems a long way away but it will come eventually.


The author Haruki Murakami writes
with a poetic richness that I do not possess and I think his words on the storm
are rational words of wisdom.  A rationality that eludes me right now.

Grief, Loss, Mother, Haruki Murakami, Cancer, Mourning, Quote

I’ll be taking a break from hellopeagreen and I hope I’ll be
back here again in 2016. 


Image by Pippa at Fears and Kahn modified with quote from Haruki Murakami by Mary Middleton.

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2 Comments

  1. December 16, 2015 / 11:22 am

    Peace will come Mary, my husband lost both his parents in quick succession, his Mum to a short but devastating illness motor neurone disease which in turn took it's toll on his Dad. We found it all very difficult so I know the raw emotions you are feeling right now. Take care of you and your family. Lots of Love Jane x

    • December 21, 2015 / 11:37 am

      Jane, i hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas. It's an emotionally charged time of year but thank goodness for little ones who know only happiness (and tantrums!) about Christmas x

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