I’ve spent the last 2 days writing in a cathartic manner, trying to
purge my feelings onto paper. Trying in a manner of sorts to actually discern
what I am feeling. I am not going to
share that outpouring here; in fact I’m not even sure I should be sharing this
here at all. I mostly stay in my little corner of the internet, sharing lovely and beautiful things that cross my path hoping that the occasional person might like what I
do and have a read.
I am grieving and there is no sunny spin on that. It’s not picture
perfect, it’s messy and unhinged. My grief will run its course, it will come in
stages and I’ve been through this before. It’s just that she was my Mum and she
was taken so quickly by cancer that it’s hard to process. There
is nothing that can prepare you to lose a parent and now that they are both
gone I’ve become unmoored. I am
rollercoaster-ing through the what if’s, if only’s, the pleading, bargaining,
guilt and anger. Acceptance seems a long way away but it will come eventually.
The author Haruki Murakami writes
with a poetic richness that I do not possess and I think his words on the storm
are rational words of wisdom. A rationality that eludes me right now.
I’ll be taking a break from hellopeagreen and I hope I’ll be
back here again in 2016.
Image by Pippa at Fears and Kahn modified with quote from Haruki Murakami by Mary Middleton.