Wednesday, 2 December 2015


I’ve spent the last 2 days writing in a cathartic manner, trying to purge my feelings onto paper. Trying in a manner of sorts to actually discern what I am feeling.  I am not going to share that outpouring here; in fact I’m not even sure I should be sharing this here at all. I mostly stay in my little corner of the internet, sharing lovely and beautiful things that cross my path hoping that the occasional person might like what I do and have a read.

I am grieving and there is no sunny spin on that. It’s not picture perfect, it’s messy and unhinged. My grief will run its course, it will come in stages and I’ve been through this before. It’s just that she was my Mum and she was taken so quickly by cancer that it’s hard to process. There is nothing that can prepare you to lose a parent and now that they are both gone I’ve become unmoored.  I am rollercoaster-ing through the what if’s, if only’s, the pleading, bargaining, guilt and anger. Acceptance seems a long way away but it will come eventually.

The author Haruki Murakami writes with a poetic richness that I do not possess and I think his words on the storm are rational words of wisdom.  A rationality that eludes me right now.
Grief, Loss, Mother, Haruki Murakami, Cancer, Mourning, Quote

I’ll be taking a break from hellopeagreen and I hope I’ll be back here again in 2016. 

Image by Pippa at Fears and Kahn modified with quote from Haruki Murakami by Mary Middleton.


  1. Peace will come Mary, my husband lost both his parents in quick succession, his Mum to a short but devastating illness motor neurone disease which in turn took it's toll on his Dad. We found it all very difficult so I know the raw emotions you are feeling right now. Take care of you and your family. Lots of Love Jane x

    1. Jane, i hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas. It's an emotionally charged time of year but thank goodness for little ones who know only happiness (and tantrums!) about Christmas x


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